Truth

This is an impromptu post on things I've been contemplating blogging about for a while.  Liam has been with us 2.5 months and boy, did he come without a manual.  Here are the things I heard before having him, "Things will change,"  and "It's going to be hard."  Those were great tips albeit nobody really tells you what is up with having a newborn. I mean REALLY tells you.  No one can really explain the fact that your baby may cry for hours (and I do mean hours) without a reason.  Or that it really isn't fun to be home 24/7 alone when your husband goes back to work.  Or that you will question every decision you make with him and still aren't sure if you are doing it for his good or because you don't know what else to do.  Nobody really warns you that kids are not that great sometimes.  That is TRUTH.  Would I have believed them if they did tell me all of this?  Probably not, because no one can ever really prepare you for children.  I guess moms everywhere are just like me in that you just have to figure it out.  I have never questioned so much or feared so much for my child.  Giving birth was the easiest part thus far!  There's the hormones, screaming, difficulty breastfeeding, doctor visits, vaccines, procedures, blowouts, sickness, sleepless nights for everyone under the roof, fights with your spouse....all for this BABY!  How does anyone have 3, 4 kids?! 

People also tell you, "don't worry, it gets better." But when exactly?!  Here's what I know after 10.5 weeks....Liam is smiling at me every morning.  He coos at me and has already rolled over (when did he get so strong?!).  He takes regular naps and sleeps 5-6 hours at night which feels like 12 sometimes.  And it all just sort of happened 1 week.  Yea, yeah, it does get easier.  But until you're in it, you don't know. 

I have questioned so many decisions like what should we wear outside, is it too hot, is he sick, does he like this, is he scared, why is he sleeping so long, why isn't he sleeping, and the list goes on.  How am I going to make it 18+ years!?  I can remember my dad still not sleeping at night if I was at a friend's house just down the road as a 21 year old.  I never understood.  I do now. 

My prayer in this time is that I would cherish every smile, snuggle, cry, and tear b/c we are all learning and it does go by so fast.  I packaged up his newborn clothes last week and am adding clothes to that pile each day.  Why is boy so big already?! 

I do have a prayer request if you've made it this far in the post....I would ask for prayer to release me from fear.  Fear that something will happen to my baby.  Fear that he won't be okay.  Fear that I am a terrible parent.  The Word says that he did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and self discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).  THIS is my prayer.  That the fear of failure as a parent would not consume me.  Do you really want to hear truth.....I lost my dad 4 years ago and I could do nothing to stop it.  My fear is that someone else will be taken from me or hurt and I can still do nothing to stop it.  I am one bad health report away from having my fears realized and not trusting God again. He and I are on a slippery slope at times b/c my trust in his is dependent on nothing bad happening in my life.  That is crazy and I hate to admit it b/c His grace is sufficient for me.  But do I really believe that?  That is my TRUTH. 

Thanks for the prayers and hug your kids tonight in memory of my dad =)