Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Maybe you know what I'm talking about

Has this happened to you?  You're going through something, whether it's what major to pick, who to date/marry, or what job to apply for and you need advice.  Good advice that comes from someone you know, love, and trust.  Everyone has something to say it seems and you have tons of things, while all great, thrown at you. 

I've heard everything today.  The background is that I'm in my 4th year of teaching and I'm part time.  Small school, no money, and there you have it.  I love the kids, people I work with, and what I do.  And I'm good at it.  But I am part-time and will probably be part-time for a while unless the state of Illinois randomly figures out how important education is.  So today I went through all the self doubt of "Why am I not worth more to my school?,"  "Who is ever going to appreciate me?," and "What do I have to do to be full time?"  I got tons of advice from every which way today from teachers, my mom, and my husband.  But I needed 1 person's advice that I didn't get.  My dad's.

Maybe you know what I mean...is there one person that you go to for laundry advice?  Or maybe a relationship guru?  Or a different person for every circumstance that could possibly go on in your life.  For me, education was my dad's realm.  I don't know how he did it.  But he could say 2 words, and I'd believe it.  That's all it took.  Today, my mom gave great advice and so did my husband, but Dad is who I needed.  And the reality set in that he isn't here.  He's not here to see me grow in education, or try new jobs, and new coaching positions.  But I feel him.  I didn't get to talk to him today, but I heard him.  I know what he would have said.  "Kelli, do you have job?"  (Kelli: "well, yeah.")  "Than everything will work out.  You need to settle down a little bit."  Such simple words to my complicated state, and I would have had a much better day.  It's days like today that it hits me that he is gone.  I have pieces of him, but his physical being is not here.  Today, I needed my dad.  I need him every day quite frankly.  Maybe you know what I'm talking about.

Hug your kids today in memory of my dad =)

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